Growing up, my momma had very little direct influence on me. I was and still am a daddy’s girl. But I can tell you my momma, God love her, if there was one thing she was able to drill into my head, it was do not chase boys. I can’t say that I’ve never chased a boy, but for the most part, momma won that battle. She always told me that if a boy is interested in you, he will come to you. The same would be true for a man; do not be fooled by his good looks, his charm or his money. If a man is interested in you as a whole person, and not just your looks or your body or what he can get from you, but if he is interested in the whole of who you are, He Will Come To You.
I believed my momma so much that I learned to enjoy making a man come to me. It was a mean game that I relished playing. When my first husband asked me for my phone number all those years ago, I kid you not when I tell you that my response was “my number is in the book if you want to call”. The look on his face was all I needed to know that momma was right. And he proceeded to look it up, and call, and a few years later we got married, had two kids, but eventually divorced. But I never forgot what momma told me.
After my divorce in 1999, I found that the dating world had started to make big changes. Online dating was new and growing. But the idea of putting myself out there, going against everything my momma told me, was terrifying. Even more terrifying was the thought of having to explain to my momma how I had met a person online, if that were to have happened. So I didn’t do it. Please know that there is no judgement from me if that is something you have done, or you are currently doing. But for me, online dating could not work. I would always have my momma’s voice in my head.
Back to the point of this story. Fast forward to August 2000. I had met someone at Rhodes College. Tall and handsome and fun to talk to. We really only spoke in passing until one day he walked into my office and we had our first argument. See my post “The Only Argument He’s Ever Won“. After that day, when I ran into him the conversations seemed to get longer and longer. I had met several of the men who worked for Arthur, so if I didn’t see Arthur I would still speak to them for a few minutes. One day while I was in the area they were working, Arthur told me that they were done with the job in the basement and would move to another area of Memphis starting the next week. I can tell you that I was crushed. My heart had become attached to seeing this man at work and the idea that he wouldn’t be around any more just crushed me. But, I can assure you that I still heard my momma’s voice in my head, so I told Arthur and his crew to “be safe and if you are ever back on campus stop by and say hello”.
Life went back to it’s normal everyday routine. Work, kids, home. At work the new school year was about to start and I was busy getting all my faculty ready for Fall. And then one afternoon, tall, blonde and handsome walked in. Except, as handsome as he was, he didn’t look so good. He looked pale. But he walked in, said hello and asked if I was busy. I have no idea if I was busy, but if I was, it was irrelevant. Those shoulders had my attention. And I immediately knew why he was here. (What did my momma say? What did she tell me to do? Talk to me momma!! I need to maintain my composure here! ) All the while he was talking, I was thinking, “if he asks you have to tell him your line. You have to make sure he’s interested in Y-O-U. Don’t cave. Maintain your self-control. And yet, this guy is white. Ghost white. Like he is about to pass out. Nooooo. Is he ill? Maybe he’s here to get some Tylenol. IS HE SHAKING!?!?!”
And then…he spoke…”Could I have your phone number?”….
Readers, I thought about it. I thought for a good 30 seconds about giving him the standard line. I was fully prepared to say, “my number is in the book if you want to call me”. But I couldn’t. For the first time in my entire life, I could not be that devious. I actually felt sorry for the man. This was a first. I was unsure what to do. Do you know how many thoughts run through your head in 30 seconds? In the meantime, Arthur is just left standing there looking at me with the biggest blue eyes.
I caved. I smiled at him, grabbed a pen and wrote my number down and handed it to him. At that point all the color came back to Arthur’s face and I knew I had not been exposed to the flu. 🙂 🙂
The next few days gave me reason to regret caving in and handing him my phone number. But that story is for another day…
Where Do I Begin 